Louise Hay says that you should say all affirmations and stuff in the present tense, because we can fool our brain that way- and if we say it in the future tense, it will always remain there- just out of reach. This may seem overly simplistic, but just practicing it a couple times makes a little difference! It's crazy.
Anyway, tomorrow is a really important, splendid day because I'm going to see the psychologist in Seattle who is actually a specialist in my unique condition. My appointment got moved up, which is great. Now I'm just winding down after a long day, ready to go to bed soon. Still pull-free!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
It's Official: Spring is Here.
Friday: pull-free.
Saturday: pull-free.
Sunday: pull-free.
Hooray! That much closer to reaching my goal. I've been doing really well with my no-pulling efforts. I've even written down, like, 20 resists (and there have been many more that have gone unrecorded). I came super close to pulling a couple times, with a perfect hair in sight, and I was just about ready to pull it- but I moved away. Then I recorded a resist. Trying hard for that positive reinforcement!
What a chill weekend... I guess it's just what I needed after last week, and this coming week is going to be just as busy. Plus, it's the last week before Spring Break... kids are going to be nuts. I'll probably be nuttier! Arizona, here I come! And I talked to Big Teeny today, in fact... no worries about my future expensive psychologist bills, 'cause she said she'll happily help me out. Yay! Just reminds me how much I love my supportive grandma.
Saturday: pull-free.
Sunday: pull-free.
Hooray! That much closer to reaching my goal. I've been doing really well with my no-pulling efforts. I've even written down, like, 20 resists (and there have been many more that have gone unrecorded). I came super close to pulling a couple times, with a perfect hair in sight, and I was just about ready to pull it- but I moved away. Then I recorded a resist. Trying hard for that positive reinforcement!
What a chill weekend... I guess it's just what I needed after last week, and this coming week is going to be just as busy. Plus, it's the last week before Spring Break... kids are going to be nuts. I'll probably be nuttier! Arizona, here I come! And I talked to Big Teeny today, in fact... no worries about my future expensive psychologist bills, 'cause she said she'll happily help me out. Yay! Just reminds me how much I love my supportive grandma.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A-Okay
Another pull-free day :)
Made contact with Seattle psychologist. Sounds like a really nice guy who can help steer me in the right direction. Made an appointment for 4-20 (hehe). My new goal: stay pull-free until then! I think I can do it. Bonne nuit.
Made contact with Seattle psychologist. Sounds like a really nice guy who can help steer me in the right direction. Made an appointment for 4-20 (hehe). My new goal: stay pull-free until then! I think I can do it. Bonne nuit.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Pleased.
Yesterday was important for two reasons: my first posting, and a pull-free day. I don't totally know why or how, but something just clicked. Probably because I had a great Monday during the day... but then, at night, before bed, I lost control. I pulled quite a bit... and then deeply felt that failure feeling which I occasionally experience. Didn't last long, which I'm thankful for... I'm grateful to only experience glimpses into the world of the depressed. I was so mad at myself for doing so well all day, only to "ruin" everything right before I was going to go to bed.
Anyway, back to the positive, pull-free note...Since I was sitting in front of my computer watching last week's The Office & 30 Rock episodes, I recorded the number of times I "resisted" (which I guess I define as reaching up and feeling a hair or hairs, but putting my hand down before pulling: ten times. There were more resists, probably, that I didn't even catch. Yay!
Today has also been a totally pull-free day so far, and bed is not far off, so I'm proud. This is the best I've done in a little while. I'm going to revel in the feeling, wash my face, brush my teeth, read, and go to bed. Oh, mustn't forget... I called a therapist/psychologist (not sure exactly... they all mean different things, don't they?) in Seattle who specializes in trich and some other related disorders. I left a message, and then today the Doc left me a message while I was at a workshop. So, no actual conversation yet, but good step.
Anyway, back to the positive, pull-free note...Since I was sitting in front of my computer watching last week's The Office & 30 Rock episodes, I recorded the number of times I "resisted" (which I guess I define as reaching up and feeling a hair or hairs, but putting my hand down before pulling: ten times. There were more resists, probably, that I didn't even catch. Yay!
Today has also been a totally pull-free day so far, and bed is not far off, so I'm proud. This is the best I've done in a little while. I'm going to revel in the feeling, wash my face, brush my teeth, read, and go to bed. Oh, mustn't forget... I called a therapist/psychologist (not sure exactly... they all mean different things, don't they?) in Seattle who specializes in trich and some other related disorders. I left a message, and then today the Doc left me a message while I was at a workshop. So, no actual conversation yet, but good step.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
First Entry: Saint Patrick's Day '09
I am a 26 year old female with trichotillomania. In other words, I compulsively pull out my hair, and I cannot stop without intense effort. I have been pulling my hair out since age 11.
The hardest thing for me is the feeling of utter failure that accompanies pulling. I want nothing more than to not do it. In just about every other aspect of my life, I have control, and I can do or not do things whenever I want. This is different; it completely overtakes me. All rationality goes out the window and I feel like I just need to pull. And pull. And pull. It doesn't hurt... in fact, it feel great when it actually happens, when I feel the hair let go of my scalp. The tiny act releases my tension and anxiety, which seems totally contradictory, but that's how it is. So I do it again and again... until I finally stop... and my feelings of pleasure are replaced by shame and self-loathing.
I am not a "lost case," nor a "sad soul," nor someone who needs to be pitied. In fact, I lead a very happy and fulfilling life, which is quite obvious to those around me, I think. In terms of my disorder, I've come a loooong way in fifteen years, and deep down I know I'm okay just the way I am. Many other thousands or even millions of others who struggle with this disorder aren't as fortunate as I am.
I just want to be healthy and stop. I am trying so many different techniques & working so hard toward this goal, which is one reason why I created this blog. I plan to just dialogue with myself and anyone else who's interested... and hopefully educate a few people, too. Talking about trich is hard to do a lot of the time... but, What have I got to lose?
The hardest thing for me is the feeling of utter failure that accompanies pulling. I want nothing more than to not do it. In just about every other aspect of my life, I have control, and I can do or not do things whenever I want. This is different; it completely overtakes me. All rationality goes out the window and I feel like I just need to pull. And pull. And pull. It doesn't hurt... in fact, it feel great when it actually happens, when I feel the hair let go of my scalp. The tiny act releases my tension and anxiety, which seems totally contradictory, but that's how it is. So I do it again and again... until I finally stop... and my feelings of pleasure are replaced by shame and self-loathing.
I am not a "lost case," nor a "sad soul," nor someone who needs to be pitied. In fact, I lead a very happy and fulfilling life, which is quite obvious to those around me, I think. In terms of my disorder, I've come a loooong way in fifteen years, and deep down I know I'm okay just the way I am. Many other thousands or even millions of others who struggle with this disorder aren't as fortunate as I am.
I just want to be healthy and stop. I am trying so many different techniques & working so hard toward this goal, which is one reason why I created this blog. I plan to just dialogue with myself and anyone else who's interested... and hopefully educate a few people, too. Talking about trich is hard to do a lot of the time... but, What have I got to lose?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)